


If You Ever Need Me

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-11
Updated: 2012-11-11
Packaged: 2017-11-18 11:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/560362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The three times Zayn thinks about suicide, and the one time Louis does something about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Ever Need Me

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: The following contains depiction of suicidal thoughts. If you are struggling with these, please don't continue and know that I am here to help if you need me :)

 

  
I. The first time, Louis brushes it off. 

 

He finds Zayn with his hands grasping both sides of the hotel bathroom, staring at his reflection in the mirror. There's a razor blade sitting next to his right hand, but he doesn't make a move to reach for it. He just stares. And stares. And Louis is worried about the look in his eye. The stare says _I hate you_ and _I wish you'd just_ die. Louis doesn't make a move towards him, just stands cautiously in the doorway and watches for a little while. It isn't until Liam yells from the bedroom for them to hurry up that Zayn snaps out of his little trance and turns to Louis, shocked to see he's there at all.

 

"C-come on, Zayn. We gotta go." Louis says quietly. Zayn nods and pushes lightly passed Louis into the room.

 

Louis lets him go.

 

 

II. The second time, Louis sees the scar on Zayn's wrist during an interview. 

 

For a second, Louis doesn't even realize what it is. Maybe he just saw it wrong and it's just another tattoo that Zayn decided to get. But a second glance affirms that it is, indeed, a scar. And Louis knows exactly what it's from. He clearly remembers that hateful stare and the razor blade, and he slowly reaches out to grasp Zayn's wrist, keeping his eyes firmly on the interviewer. Zayn doesn't seem to think anything of it. That is, until Louis starts rubbing his thumb over the slightly pink scar. Zayn's gaze snaps to Louis' face, but Louis just forces a smile at the interviewer.

 

Afterwards, it's as if Zayn can't get out of there fast enough, but Louis won't let him get away that easily. He grabs ahold of Zayn's arm and pulls him into a small alcove in the hallway, away from everyone.

 

"What the absolute fuck, Zayn?" Louis says, his voice holding nothing but anger.

 

"I-" Zayn cuts off, keeping his eyes on the floor. Louis wants to cry.

 

"Zayn," Louis says, his voice softer.

 

"It's nothing, Lou, okay?" Zayn says, finally meeting Louis' gaze.

 

"Zayn, _that_ is not _nothing_." Louis says firmly, throwing a glance at Zayn's wrist, which he promptly covers with his other hand.

 

"No, I know." Zayn says, taking a deep breath. "It was just after a long day and I screwed up my solo at the concert and I just...I don't know." He offers a small shrug.

 

"Don't let it happen again, Zayn." Louis says, stepping back into the hallway and walking away. 

 

He hopes Zayn listens.

 

 

III. Zayn doesn't listen.

 

This time Louis finds Zayn in his apartment, a bandage wrapped around his wrist. He's making tea when Louis enters. He makes no sound to signal he's there and takes a look over at the boy. Besides the bandages, Zayn looks a lot skinnier and he looks tired as fuck. It scares Louis.  
  


The kettle whistles and Zayn pours the hot water into his mug and takes a sip before turning. He doesn't look all that surprised to see Louis, just a bit embarrassed, because he knows that Louis can see the white bandage. Louis doesn't say anything, just slowly steps towards Zayn, pulls the mug out of Zayn's hand and pulls him in for a hug. Zayn slumps into Louis' arms and lets out a puff of air, like he's been holding his breath for a long time and is finally able to let it go.

 

"Zayn, please," Louis begs Zayn with a low whisper. Zayn shivers slightly and his grip tightens on Louis' shirt.

 

"I'm sorry, Lou." He whispers back.

 

They stay there for a long time, just holding each other, before Louis finally lets go and looks at Zayn.

 

"It won't happen again. I'll get help." Zayn says earnestly, staring into Louis' eyes. Louis nods seriously and then hands Zayn back his tea.

 

"C'mon, let's watch a movie." 

 

 

IV. Louis hasn't heard from Zayn in a few days and he's really scared. Liam is, too, and Louis can see in his brown eyes that he's terrified. Zayn has never _not_ talked to any of them for more than twenty-four hours, so this is new. 

 

On the fourth day of silence, Louis makes up his mind and pulls on his coat. He drives slowly over to Zayn's apartment and knocks on the door.

 

There's no answer.

 

He uses the key that Zayn gave all the boys and carefully enters the apartment. It's dark and cold inside, but Louis can hear something coming from the bathroom. He slowly makes his way to the doorway and there he is. 

 

"Zayn," Louis breathes. The boy is sitting on the bathroom floor, clutching his wrist. He's letting out soft whimpers and tears are streaming down his face. He looks up at the sound of Louis' voice and lets out a sob. Louis enters the bathroom and sits down on the floor, grabbing Zayn around the waist and pulling him onto his lap. Zayn's too light to be healthy and Louis wonders when the last time he ate was. But that doesn't matter, because his wrist is still bleeding.

 

"Shh, babes, it's okay. You're okay." Louis says, though he's not sure if he believes it either. But it's in that moment that Liam pokes his head into the bathroom and Louis has never been more happy to see another human being.

 

"Liam, call emergencies. We need help." Liam nods and quickly pulls out his phone. He dials and leaves the doorway. Zayn is sobbing into Louis' chest and Louis is scared. More scared than he's ever been because this boy is dying, and he doesn't know what to do. 

 

Except, he does.

 

He tilts Zayn's face up and kisses him softly on the lips. He then pulls away and kisses the tears off of Zayn's face. Zayn is very still, letting Louis do what he's doing and not making objections. Louis pulls back and looks into his beautiful brown eyes.

 

"I love you, Zayn." He whispers. "And I need you to hang on. For me." Zayn nodds quickly before leaning up to kiss Louis.

 

"I love you, too." He whispers against Louis' lips.

 

And he hangs on.


End file.
